My vehicle is parked here. I don't want to take two parking spaces for my car and bike. You don't see me parking... (illegible).
Thanks in advance,
Apt# 437
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Dear Resident of Apt 437,
Thank you for your note on my vehicles windshield explaining
your situation of having multiple means of transportation and my obvious
mistake of parking in your parking space.
Thinking that it may be an oversight on my part I spent the better part
of an hour examining the surrounding curb and asphalt for any sign, stencil, or
placard stating the specific ownership of the parking space. Finding no such
identification I then checked each and every parking space in the complex in an
attempt to see if said identification had been removed and placed elsewhere. I
was only able to find some handicapped parking spaces, a few visitor parking
spaces, and a hidden stash of stair steps near one of those storage buildings.
Since I myself have multiple vehicles I suggest that we join
forces in an attempt to claim parking spaces for ourselves, starting first with
the premier and most convenient spaces, then moving on to total parking lot
domination. As I’m sure that I am not the first, nor will I be the only one
with the idea, I think it pertinent that we recruit other individuals into our
cause. I believe the disenfranchised, fatherless, and those seeking acceptance
will make for fine followers. In order to differentiate ourselves from other groups
seeking to usurp us we should arm our followers and designate specific
boundaries and colors, swearing to defend these “’til the casket drops.” In
preparation for such an endeavor I have been expanding my knowledge by
listening to the most recent of
“gangsta rap” music, studying and creating series of hand gestures with
which to communicate, and have signed up for several painting classes so that I
may do “tagging.” With our combined efforts we will definitely be able to “rep
our hood” in no time, “aight”?
In the meantime we should definitely meet with the heads of
Capstone Management and demand that a rule be added into their lease agreement
and rules and regulations stating the following:
a.)
Any person with two or more vehicles shall be allowed to claim
a parking space as solely “mine” and in the event of both said vehicles being
vacant from said selected parking space shall be allowed to enforce the rule of
“mine” preventing any other person(s) from parking, resting, walking on,
looking at, or thinking about said space.
b.)
Said parking space should be in the most convenient location
providing a direct and clear route to claimant’s dwelling.
c.)
If any person(s) park within, on, around, underneath, or pass
within arm’s length of said parking space he/she shall be subject to scolding
by a scribed memorandum written upon a post it note, torn piece of envelope,
receipt, unpaid parking ticket, medical chit, or any parchment available upon
the moment of claimant’s discovery to the infraction.
Hopefully management will decide against their current
ridiculous policy of having residents park within whatever parking spaces are
convenient and available upon a “first come, first serve” basis and side with
our plan to monopolize the automobile parking market, allowing us to take up to
three parking spaces per vehicle in order to park horizontally, and even the
provision of 12”x12” mirrors to place
under the tires and a model to lean on the hood of our cars. I’m afraid that we
may have to come out of pocket for flyers and media advertising, although I’m
sure we will make up the spent amount in spectator turnout.
Thank you again for the reminder, I look forward to working
with you to inconvenience other residents in order for you to be able to take
ten less steps to reach your destination.
With love,
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