Maaaaan, it has been a long time since I posted something! Just didn't feel like it until right now. I kept thinking about what would be good subject matter. Since I couldn't figure anything out I've decided to just talk about some more random shyt. All these people are vlogging (video blogging), and that seems a lot easier than all this typing, but I would get tired of seeing and hearing myself.
I don't have a particular order for the items and some may contain more information that comes to me while typing, so please, bear with me. If something is repeated then so be it. Sometimes you gotta repeat things to get a point across. Here we go:Anyway though, the topic "Law and Order: PBJ". The peanut butter and jelly sandwich. This lunchtime great brings up all types of nostalgic thoughts of happier times, or financially challenged times and what-not.
I remember that my mom or my sister had to make me sandwich until I was able to do it myself. It's always nice to have someone make it for you, but, like they say, "If you want something done right...", they weren't to that level of individual perfection that comes from making one yourself. To me, a PBJ sandwich made by anyone else would always have some type of flaw that would bug me; not enough jelly, nasty bread, or even using the ends or "butt" pieces of the loaf. Through the years I've come up with do's and don'ts towards making my own perfect PBJ sandwich.
Plate or Paper Towel/Napkin?: I prefer the paper towel. Napkins are just too flimsy and plates are a last resort. I used to use two paper towels folded into one, but more recently I use just the one paper towel. If there is nothing to put the sandwich on while in production then I'm just screwed. I'm not putting the bread on the bare counter. I'm afraid that the sandwich will become like a sponge and pic up any microscopic bacteria that may be there.
Utensil: Definitely, DEFINITELY the butterknife. I'd prefer it to be a knife made of one piece of metal and not some fancy handle, but as long as it's a butterknife it's ok. I prefer it over the spoon (teaspoon, not tablespoon) because it spreads the peanut butter and jelly smoothly. With a spoon the pressure is focused on the bottom of the spoon making it press down into the bread. The reason I said teaspoon and not tablespoon is because the tablespoon is just too big. It's like a ladle. Another no-no is one of those big knives. Those knives are for cutting birds, veggies, and trying to ward off the horror movie bad guys, not making sandwiches.
Bread: Both white and wheat (whole grain, whatever) are good breads to use. The wheat bread is better for you, but is a bit chewy. The white bread is not as good for you, but is just FANTASTIC for making PBJ sandwiches. I know that I SHOULD be eating wheat but I can eat the white bread using the excuse that the white bread will go stale faster in order to justify it. I don't know about all that other bread, I like to play it safe when it comes to this subject. I do know that raisin bread smells really good. I don't eat it, but it smells great!
Peanut Butter: Crunchy or Smooth? The answer is SMOOTH. I have an issue with crunchy peanut butter. When I was a little kid we had a problem with roaches. Not cockroaches, just the regular little ones. I NEVER had a roach in my sandwich, but the thought of crunching into one has always unnerved me. Anyway though, smooth peanut butter it is. Back in the day I was a fan of Peter Pan peanut butter, but I could never understand how the two came to be, kinda like Donald Duck orange juice. What does Donald Duck have to do with orange juice? The only thing I could think of is that Disney World is in Florida, so Donald decided to get into the abundant citrus market going on there. My father would "debate" me on this when I was little. I would ask "Why Donald Duck, why not Mickey Mouse?", he would say "Because Mickey already has his name on everything.". I would then ask then say "Well why not Goofy instead of Donald?", to which my dad would respond "Would YOU drink Goofy orange juice?" This often left me in stitches. To this day I still don't get the correlation between Donald Duck and orange juice.
Back to peanut butter types. I still am a big fan of Peter Pan peanut butter, but some of the other ones are just as good. There's Jif, apparently a winner among the choosy moms of America, Skippy, which reminds me of the character with the same name from Family Ties, Reese's, naturally, and a whole host of off brand and generics, some of which aren't too bad. There is a Clear Value (Bi-Lo) brand that I think puts the rest to shame. It's just really smooth and spreadable. Speaking of spreadable, it should be a criminal offense if someone puts the peanut butter in the fridge. That's just WRONG! It's really difficult to spread it without tearing the bread or ripping off a corner or two. Just put it up in the cupboard, please.
Jelly: Jelly or Jam? This is a non-issue... Jelly. It's called a peanut butter and JELLY sandwich, not JAM. Who in their right mind would use jam? There was once a time where we accidentally picked up jam instead of jelly and it was a nightmare. It's practically a liquid, so you can just pour the jam out of the jar, and the bread absorbs it like a sponge. Where is all of the jelly goodness?! All you have here is peanut butter and jam-bread, fail. Jelly, always go with jelly. I tried the jam and remembered why I had such discord towards it, so I went to the store to buy jelly. I get home I realized that AGAIN, I grabbed JAM. Back to the store I go making sure this time to eye the jar hard. Grape jelly, like a majority of the country, is my number one, but I am not closed to the idea of apple jelly. I've had it before and it wasn't to bad. So, GTFO of my face with your jams, marmalade, and preserves. You can put that ish in the trash!
When it comes to jelly brands they're mostly the same to me. I like to stick with Smuckers, Welch's, Bama, and Great Value (Wal-Mart). The first two are the ones that I grew up with, the other two are new to me, but are just as good as the others.
On a side note, I have tried peanut butter and banana, which was pretty good, and I feel as though I may want to try this "peanut butter and bacon" that I recently saw on t.v. It's something out of left field, but I LOVE my pb&j, and I LOVE some nice crispy strips of bacon, so the two together doesn't seem to far fetched. I did, of course, recently have "The Luther" a.k.a. the "Krispy Kreme Burger", and that was downright DELICIOUS, so I guess we'll see where this goes.
Jelly belongs in the refrigerator, NOT in the cupboard! The label clearly states, "Refrigerate after opening". The jelly will go back quicker, and who wants warm jelly on their sandwich. The warmth comes from the peanut butter and sometimes the bread.
In regards to the type of jelly container; I've always had a soft spot in my heart for glass jars. You remember back when you go to someones house and you would get some Kool-Aid in an old jelly jar? Nostalgia! Plastic containers are okay, but I'm not a big fan of the squeezable jelly. Something about that just ain't right! It worked fine for ketchup and mustard, even mayo and relish took to the new style well. Jelly? No..... you're supposed to spread the jelly on the bread, not squeeze it. But if that floats your boat then I see no harm in it.
You remember when they brought out that peanut butter and jelly in one jar lookin' like stripes? It was called Goobers (I had to look it up). That ish was garbage! You had to mix it all up to get it out of the jar, and then no matter where you put it, it would be the wrong place. It was like the Soulja Boi Tell 'em to the hip hop game! Everyone's like "Are they serious with this ish?". Some people latched onto it thinking it was 'da bomb, but later find out that it's all just some gimmick cooked up by a corporation in order to prey on the minds of the weak and influencing them to think that it's good by flooding the market and force feeding the masses until they actually believe that. I know it's still out there so who's buying them?
The Assembly: I'm going to break this down into steps and add my opinions and rants where I feel they need be, so....there.
Step 1: Lay that paper towel down, or plate if you don't have paper towels or you're saving the planet or some ish like that.
Step 2: Get all your items needed so you're not running back and forth. Knife, bread, peanut butter, jelly.
Step 3: Bust out your bread. I'm a dual sandwich guy so I go for four slices of bread and lay them down two by two. Close the bread immediately after this and make sure you squeeze out that extra air before you close the bag. That way it won't go bad as quick.
Step 4: Peanut Butter first. Never put the jelly on first, that's just idiotic. If it's a new jar of peanut butter use your knife to make a circle by running the flat edge of the knife against the inside rim of the jar while in the peanut butter, then cut a line down the center of that circle. Next you will take a nice size portion of peanut butter from the left semi-circle and put it on the right side of the bread. From that point begin spreading the peanut butter in a even coat over the bread, making sure to cover all the edges. There should be none of the bread showing from the sides and through the peanut butter. There's usually a mass in the center of the bread where the peanut butter collects due to not having the support of the edges of the bread. You can use some of the extra from there to make sure all your edges are covered. Any left over peanut butter on the knife you can scrape off on the rim of the jar. If you're it's your personal jars of peanut butter and jelly and you wanna like the knife, I say go for it! Put the top on the peanut butter as soon as you're done. I like to set the knife on top to the jelly jar while completing this task.
Step 5: If your jelly is new you want to do the same circular motion you did with the peanut butter, but instead of cutting the circle in two you will cut vertical lines about three inches into the jelly. Then horizontal lines of the same depth, followed up by diagonal slices from the left and then right. Doing this will prevent you from having chunks of jelly on your sandwich when you want easy spreadable cubes like tiny jello. The jelly goes on the SAME bread as the peanut, not on the other slice of bread! The other slice counts as the top slice of the sandwich, not the other half of a whole. Spread the jelly, making even coats. You don't have to worry about covering the entire slice of bread like you did with the peanut butter as long as a majority of it is covered. Make sure you cover your edges though. People make the mistake of concentrating on the center of the bread. When it comes time to eat the sandwich they are disappointed towards the end due to a lack of jelly at the bottom edge. You want to make sure your last bites are as good as the ones in the center of the sandwich. Make sure you put the lid on the jelly when you're done.
Side note: The reason you want the knife clean going into the jelly is so that you don't leave any peanut butter in the jelly jar. That is not cool. Even worse are those poor misguided souls that spread the jelly before the peanut butter and leave jelly globs in the peanut butter jar. That's just disgusting.
Step 6: Assemble the sandwich. You can cut it if you want, but in half only! Cutting it into quarters is for the little kids. NO cutting of the crust. If the lil kids don't like crust then TOO BAD! The crust is good for you! There are some people on this earth that would love some sandwich crust! Sittin' there actin' like you too special to eat crust! How about I eat the sandwich and leave you just the crust?! When there ain't nothin' left to eat and you startin' to get hungry that crust gonna be lookin' mighty good I bet! Shooooooot, we eat the crust round here! You fittin' to be starvin' or a crust eatin' fool! I tell you what! Come up in here talkin' bout cuttin' some crust off and you don't like the crust!
O.....K....... Had a little "back to my roots" moment there.
Anyway though, after you assemble the sandwich you want to put everything away and clean up the area so that you can go eat without worrying about having to clean up afterwards. It is barbaric to make the sandwich and leave everything on the counter or table unsealed and put away.
Once you're done eating you want to fold the paper towel into quarters, wipe your mouth and throw it away. Since you can't do the same with a plate, just put it in the sink, or it's designated area or course action.
This blog took FOREVER to get done... but I might think of some more to add to it... then again, maybe not.
Back to peanut butter types. I still am a big fan of Peter Pan peanut butter, but some of the other ones are just as good. There's Jif, apparently a winner among the choosy moms of America, Skippy, which reminds me of the character with the same name from Family Ties, Reese's, naturally, and a whole host of off brand and generics, some of which aren't too bad. There is a Clear Value (Bi-Lo) brand that I think puts the rest to shame. It's just really smooth and spreadable. Speaking of spreadable, it should be a criminal offense if someone puts the peanut butter in the fridge. That's just WRONG! It's really difficult to spread it without tearing the bread or ripping off a corner or two. Just put it up in the cupboard, please.
Jelly: Jelly or Jam? This is a non-issue... Jelly. It's called a peanut butter and JELLY sandwich, not JAM. Who in their right mind would use jam? There was once a time where we accidentally picked up jam instead of jelly and it was a nightmare. It's practically a liquid, so you can just pour the jam out of the jar, and the bread absorbs it like a sponge. Where is all of the jelly goodness?! All you have here is peanut butter and jam-bread, fail. Jelly, always go with jelly. I tried the jam and remembered why I had such discord towards it, so I went to the store to buy jelly. I get home I realized that AGAIN, I grabbed JAM. Back to the store I go making sure this time to eye the jar hard. Grape jelly, like a majority of the country, is my number one, but I am not closed to the idea of apple jelly. I've had it before and it wasn't to bad. So, GTFO of my face with your jams, marmalade, and preserves. You can put that ish in the trash!
When it comes to jelly brands they're mostly the same to me. I like to stick with Smuckers, Welch's, Bama, and Great Value (Wal-Mart). The first two are the ones that I grew up with, the other two are new to me, but are just as good as the others.
On a side note, I have tried peanut butter and banana, which was pretty good, and I feel as though I may want to try this "peanut butter and bacon" that I recently saw on t.v. It's something out of left field, but I LOVE my pb&j, and I LOVE some nice crispy strips of bacon, so the two together doesn't seem to far fetched. I did, of course, recently have "The Luther" a.k.a. the "Krispy Kreme Burger", and that was downright DELICIOUS, so I guess we'll see where this goes.
Jelly belongs in the refrigerator, NOT in the cupboard! The label clearly states, "Refrigerate after opening". The jelly will go back quicker, and who wants warm jelly on their sandwich. The warmth comes from the peanut butter and sometimes the bread.
In regards to the type of jelly container; I've always had a soft spot in my heart for glass jars. You remember back when you go to someones house and you would get some Kool-Aid in an old jelly jar? Nostalgia! Plastic containers are okay, but I'm not a big fan of the squeezable jelly. Something about that just ain't right! It worked fine for ketchup and mustard, even mayo and relish took to the new style well. Jelly? No..... you're supposed to spread the jelly on the bread, not squeeze it. But if that floats your boat then I see no harm in it.
You remember when they brought out that peanut butter and jelly in one jar lookin' like stripes? It was called Goobers (I had to look it up). That ish was garbage! You had to mix it all up to get it out of the jar, and then no matter where you put it, it would be the wrong place. It was like the Soulja Boi Tell 'em to the hip hop game! Everyone's like "Are they serious with this ish?". Some people latched onto it thinking it was 'da bomb, but later find out that it's all just some gimmick cooked up by a corporation in order to prey on the minds of the weak and influencing them to think that it's good by flooding the market and force feeding the masses until they actually believe that. I know it's still out there so who's buying them?
The Assembly: I'm going to break this down into steps and add my opinions and rants where I feel they need be, so....there.
Step 1: Lay that paper towel down, or plate if you don't have paper towels or you're saving the planet or some ish like that.
Step 2: Get all your items needed so you're not running back and forth. Knife, bread, peanut butter, jelly.
Step 3: Bust out your bread. I'm a dual sandwich guy so I go for four slices of bread and lay them down two by two. Close the bread immediately after this and make sure you squeeze out that extra air before you close the bag. That way it won't go bad as quick.
Step 4: Peanut Butter first. Never put the jelly on first, that's just idiotic. If it's a new jar of peanut butter use your knife to make a circle by running the flat edge of the knife against the inside rim of the jar while in the peanut butter, then cut a line down the center of that circle. Next you will take a nice size portion of peanut butter from the left semi-circle and put it on the right side of the bread. From that point begin spreading the peanut butter in a even coat over the bread, making sure to cover all the edges. There should be none of the bread showing from the sides and through the peanut butter. There's usually a mass in the center of the bread where the peanut butter collects due to not having the support of the edges of the bread. You can use some of the extra from there to make sure all your edges are covered. Any left over peanut butter on the knife you can scrape off on the rim of the jar. If you're it's your personal jars of peanut butter and jelly and you wanna like the knife, I say go for it! Put the top on the peanut butter as soon as you're done. I like to set the knife on top to the jelly jar while completing this task.
Step 5: If your jelly is new you want to do the same circular motion you did with the peanut butter, but instead of cutting the circle in two you will cut vertical lines about three inches into the jelly. Then horizontal lines of the same depth, followed up by diagonal slices from the left and then right. Doing this will prevent you from having chunks of jelly on your sandwich when you want easy spreadable cubes like tiny jello. The jelly goes on the SAME bread as the peanut, not on the other slice of bread! The other slice counts as the top slice of the sandwich, not the other half of a whole. Spread the jelly, making even coats. You don't have to worry about covering the entire slice of bread like you did with the peanut butter as long as a majority of it is covered. Make sure you cover your edges though. People make the mistake of concentrating on the center of the bread. When it comes time to eat the sandwich they are disappointed towards the end due to a lack of jelly at the bottom edge. You want to make sure your last bites are as good as the ones in the center of the sandwich. Make sure you put the lid on the jelly when you're done.
Side note: The reason you want the knife clean going into the jelly is so that you don't leave any peanut butter in the jelly jar. That is not cool. Even worse are those poor misguided souls that spread the jelly before the peanut butter and leave jelly globs in the peanut butter jar. That's just disgusting.
Step 6: Assemble the sandwich. You can cut it if you want, but in half only! Cutting it into quarters is for the little kids. NO cutting of the crust. If the lil kids don't like crust then TOO BAD! The crust is good for you! There are some people on this earth that would love some sandwich crust! Sittin' there actin' like you too special to eat crust! How about I eat the sandwich and leave you just the crust?! When there ain't nothin' left to eat and you startin' to get hungry that crust gonna be lookin' mighty good I bet! Shooooooot, we eat the crust round here! You fittin' to be starvin' or a crust eatin' fool! I tell you what! Come up in here talkin' bout cuttin' some crust off and you don't like the crust!
O.....K....... Had a little "back to my roots" moment there.
Anyway though, after you assemble the sandwich you want to put everything away and clean up the area so that you can go eat without worrying about having to clean up afterwards. It is barbaric to make the sandwich and leave everything on the counter or table unsealed and put away.
Once you're done eating you want to fold the paper towel into quarters, wipe your mouth and throw it away. Since you can't do the same with a plate, just put it in the sink, or it's designated area or course action.
This blog took FOREVER to get done... but I might think of some more to add to it... then again, maybe not.
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